So I’ve returned to work after a 3 day intensive weekend on the 3rd module of my NLP practitioner course. Looking back I’m still trying to remember all of the stuff we learnt because there was so much to take in my brain feels like a toaster that has been wired to too high a voltage. Why a toaster? No idea it’s the first inanimate electrical item that came to my mind. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere if you want to find one.
So this weekend we covered the meta-model, an uber-useful questioning model that can be used to bring people out of unhelpful trances and help you get a better understanding of their map of the world. Supposedly tough to learn, I found it a pretty comfortable structure by the end of the first day. After learning comes practice so this week I will be using it at every (appropriate) opportunity (remember what Peter Parker’s Uncle says kids - with great power comes great responsibility…). Unless there’s a need, endless questioning is annoying normally, let alone if you use slightly bizarre questions that the meta model includes…
The subsequent coaching sessions were very revealing and certainly helped me come closer to answering many of the questions I have been internally toying with for some considerable time. I also find it fascinating to discover the changes the other delegates are making from month to month - in many there is already a marked difference in their behaviour, focus, and goals, and this was only the third module. The benefit, I guess, of having the modules themselves spaced a month apart.
The rest of the weekend focused on rapport, pacing and leading. A lot of the books (and sales courses) talk about rapport from a “matching and mirroring” perspective, in that by mirroring someone’s posture and body movements, you can enter a state of deep rapport whereby you can influence them. I’ve always been uncomfortable with that concept because a) it’s creepy and b) you spend so much time copying them that you don’t listen to how or what they are saying.
So I was pleased to discover that rapport is most effectively gained by a) setting a goal that you will enter rapport with the person and b) being genuinely interested in what they have to tell you. This way, rapport building is left to your unconscious, which is way smarter and more multi-tasking than your conscious, which is left to concentrate on what is being said and how it is being said.
And we played with these ideas over saturday and sunday, and introduced some hypnosis in there too. This was particularly good for me, as I’ve not been hypnotised before (ok, ignore self-hypnosis tapes for the time being), and although it was a very noisy room (imagine a bunch of people hypnotising a bunch of other people in a training room), and the hypnosis was done using a script (the Ellman induction), I found it easy to relax in to a trance, and now know what it feels like to be hypnotised (and so far I haven’t felt the need to dance like a chicken once!). Always useful so at least I know what it feels like when I ‘do’ other people.
And so another great, information-packed weekend, possibly the best one so far. Lots to try out on Joe Public this week, I just wish that NLP practitioner was a longer course than 5 months because I’m enjoying it so much!
If you’d like to understand more about the meta model, head over to http://www.nlp.biz/NLP/metamod.htm however to be honest the best way to learn it is to get yourself on a course and then use it. The theory is relatively straightforward, the challenge comes with having the sensory acuity to identify the language patterns and then respond with meta model questions to enrich their map (their? who specifically? 
).
So why exactly did I title this post as I did without actually mentioning the subject in the content? Hmm well it was my original intent however as I wrote, which I am sure you all know by now (I say all, as if more than one person reads this site), most of these posts are a stream of cathartic consciousness which I rarely revisit, preferring to keep them in their natural state (I correct spelling and typo if I spot them, but pointless badly supported arguments are left au naturelle). In this case the post veered off to something far more interesting, however for the sake of meeting my original intent for the post I’ll talk about the original subject.
One of the conclusions I have drawn from my course to date is the vast amount of non-verbal information that each and every one of us gives off for free to anyone who cares to notice. Exercises on the course to date, some of which bordered on witchcraft, showed just how close you can get to understanding another’s state without a single word being uttered. I have found that breathing rate and depth in particular seem to entrain feelings and emotions, almost as if the natual wave of breath is a carrier upon which our emotional state is carried. It is hard to explain in words, and even harder to believe unless you’ve tried it.
So if you find yourself stuck on the tube or similar, try replicating a nearby person’s breathing depth and frequency, go quiet on the inside and just notice the changes in your state. Spooky, cool and incredibly powerful if you want to gain a deep understanding of a person’s state so that you can help them and \ or influence them. It is such a small piece of information and yet can yield much greater insight in to how a person feels than a bunch of questions and observations.
