A question I am regularly asked when talking about NLP concepts like language patterns and meta-model questions is “is it ethical to influence people?” This is a strange question because it presupposes that you can NOT influence people.
Consider the human mind as a computer. This isn’t true but it’s a good model for the purposes of this discussion. Well a computer has hardware (your physical brain and nervous system) and software (your thoughts, what you know, your instincts, your consciousness and unconsciousness). The software started out very basic (a few reflexes such as rooting, diving, startling, fear of falling and the ability to learn). From these simple schemas you develop increasingly complex maps of the world around you, effectively rewriting your software and developing intricate algorithms of behaviour for particular scenarios. Language, social skills and even eating are learnt “programs” installed in to your computer.
So when does the software stop being modified? Probably when you shuffle off this mortal coil. Everything you see, hear, feel, touch and taste has the potential to alter your programming. Have you ever had your opinion of someone blown out of the water when they did something “out of character”? Perhaps your view on an issue has been changed after learning some fact that you were previously unaware of? Sure, we all have, haven’t we? Well in both cases your new opinion or view has been created through modification to your software. Why did you buy that new CD? Because your software was modified by an advert to tell you that it existed, which ran a set of subroutines to cause you to acquire said item. And when you listen to the CD, which causes you to feel happy or annoyed that you wasted your money, then the CD has caused you to run your “happy” or “annoyed” program. Damn it’s a tough job to NOT be influenced isn’t it?
So let’s talk about language patterns, the staple of “influence” as it is often taught or written about in books. Language patterns are simply established structures that seem to be more successful at gaining their intended outcome than others. They are NOT spells or black magic, and in fact if I gave you a list of them you would probably recognise that you use some or all of them in your every day discussions with people (yes you are a master influencer and you didn’t even know it). Language patterns are the result of qualitative studies on what language structures work best, carried out by studying a broad sample of people over time.
And the meta-model is no different. The meta-model was “created” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder back in the seventies, and it is a set of questioning techniques used to rapidly move beyond the surface of what people say and get to their core beliefs and values. I’ve used it and seen it provoke some significant shifts in people’s belief systems in a very short period of time. However I must point out that they are just words put in patterns that you and I use all of the time, it’s just that with meta-modelling, one uses them carefully and in response to certain statements from the other party. I guarantee that you have used meta-model questions at some time in the past, and maybe even just before you read this.
So finally the question on ethics. Is it ethical to influence people? Firstly most people are unaware of the influence they have over others and so do not care about the impact they have. Can you honestly say that everyone you have met or communicated with you have influenced in a positive manner? A very big NO to that question I would imagine. So let’s move on to conscious influence, in which case it is all about desired outcome. If I was to influence you to, say make you happy, would you consider it ethical? If it is a given that influence is inevitable then the question of ethics lies with the influencer, and for that I can only take responsibility for myself.
So as you can see, you can’t NOT influence people, and to answer the ethical aspect you only need to ask yourself. You leave an imprint of yourself on everyone you meet at some level, don’t you? Even in writing. I may not have changed your opinion with this article, but i’ve certainly influenced you - changed your programming a little, and all that using no (well, actually just a little) NLP…
