When I’m coaching someone, we look at the things people spend most of their time on, and then compare these to the things they really want. Do you think the two are aligned? Not very often… if they are then they probably don’t need coaching.Â
You’re either aligned or you’re not. There is a unique set of values for YOU, that if followed, will allow you to live a fulfilled life, doing things that meet your base needs as a human being. If your current priorities are fully aligned with these, then congratulations! I’d love to hear about it. You probably have a real sense of contentment and fulfilment all of the time. Whereas for many of us we feel that in fits and starts, when we happen to do something that resonates with who we are.
If your current priorities are significantly “out of whack” with what’s REALLY important to you, you are probably very busy, constantly rushing, a little stressed, and when you get what your chasing - it’s never enough! You turn around and go: “NEXT!”. This is because we can never get enough of what we don’t really want. Understanding the difference between what we chase and what we want is a good step to doing what you love.
The “Things We Chase” list often includes: money, fame/recognition, sex, power/responsibility, achievement, big house/car, more time.
The “Things we REALLY want” list often includes: love, intimacy, adventure, peace, security, creativity/expression and freedom.
If you still think you really want something on the first list ……. think again. Ask yourself: “When I get the car/house/promotion/money … what will I have then?” You’ll probably find the answer on the second list. For example, a client of mine thought she wanted to accomplish and achieve. It turned out what she REALLY wanted was to feel accepted - the achieving was really an attempt to feel accepted.
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so that you can pay for the clothes, car and house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it”.
The fact is: we can never get enough of what we don’t really want!!
So why is it we spend our time on the first list, and not directly on the second? Some say it’s because we settle; we accept money. One client said to me ”We believe that if we get the things we’re chasing - money, recognition, sex etc. - then we’ll have the love, peace, security etc. that we REALLY want. But does it really work that way??
WHY NOT GO STRAIGHT FOR THE GOOD STUFF? Go straight for love, adventure, security, peace, or whatever floats your boat, and get OFF the treadmill.
