watch tHe skies

I watched the news with absolute amazement yesterday when they explained to me and countless others how cows and pigs are making global worse by virtue of the methane that they, er, trump in to the atmosphere with alarming regularity and volume.

So scientists are now experimenting with additives to cattle feed to reduce the amount of methane that these gentle creatures emit.

And I wonder how this train of thought ever began, because it seems to presume that cows are the problem, when in fact the process of developing and manufacturing the additives for cows across the planet will probably generate a far bigger carbon footprint than the cows themselves could ever possibly trump between birth and beef wellington.

And of course once tested and working on cattle, the next offender will be, that’s right, you and me. Before you know it, anti-fart additives companies are top of the FT100 and our god-given right to break wind and blame the dog will be replaced by a state-sponsored money making machine that has a carbon footprint bigger than the hole in the ozone layer.

It seems to me that us humans aren’t thinking holistically about this whole global warming thing… the trouble is, there’s money in them farting cows and screw the fact that the net carbon footprint grows, as long as someone can buy a nice new 4×4 as a result.

So I wonder what hair-brained eco moneymaker will next hit the headlines… dragonfly powered micro-windmills or the use of the human body as a battery to power a big virtual reality machine… they both rate the same level of craziness as addressing the farting cow problem.

I don’t usually quote news here, preferring to plagiarise instead, but this article over at Reuters (the only news site not blocked by the company’s SurfNazi software) really made me laugh, so I thought i’d share it with you.

A male panda at a Thai zoo has been placed on a month-long diet to avoid squashing his partner during sex, and will be shown “panda porn” to get him in the mood, the project chief said on Wednesday.

Chuang Chuang, a six-year-old male who weighs in at 150 kg (330 lb), was too big for his 115-kg, five-year-old spouse, Lin Hui, Prasertsak Buntrakoonpoontawee told Reuters.

“Chuang Chuang is not fat but he will be too heavy for Lin Hui when they mate,” he said. “The weight difference will be a hurdle to the success of their mating.”

Prasertsak said male pandas should weigh 30 kg less than their partners.

The pair have been at the zoo in the northern city of Chiang Mai since 2003 and were officially “married” two years ago. However, they have show little inclination to consummate their union.

The zoo hopes Chuang Chuang will lose 10 kg in a month on the diet, which started last week and includes fewer “cookies” and bamboo stems, and more bamboo leaves, which are harder to chew.

“Panda Porn”? blimey that’s a new one on me. Also is Prasertsak Buntrakoonpoontawee the longest name ever?

So I note that www.carbonneutral.com have introduced a whole bunch of new calculators to help you work out how much you are choking the planet with exhaust fumes, cheap flights, leaving the lights on and the telly on standby.

Based on my calculations, it would seem that we (our family) are generating 10-15 tonnes of Carbon Dioxide per annum. It takes one mature tree to absorb one tonne of CO2 per annum, so to become carbon neutral we would need to plant, say 15 trees, however that wouldn’t cover it as they take years to mature. The site also allows you to fund future alternative power solutions (such as wind farms) which would offset the carbon production. Either way it looks like £100 or so to become carbon neutral. A small price to pay to do our bit.

The other week, Jen, Ben and I stayed a night in Great Yarmouth. It’s close to my brother and sister in law, and given that we live as far as is mathematically possible from the sea in England, it was good to enjoy some fresh sea air before heading down the perilously slow A47 back to the Midlands.

Since my last visit to the golden sands surrounding the mouth of the Yar, they have constructed an offshore wind warm at Scroby Sands, very visible from the Yarmouth beaches.

A little bit of googling tells me that this is a 60MW plant, using 30 2MW wind turbines. All good, low impact energy generation. Plus, in my opinion, they look great.

I know that there is plenty of objection to wind farms as polluting the environment with big, ugly blades, lots of noise close-up, and the considerable hazard to birds who don’t get out of the way (to which I say “survival of the fittest, lads”), however when you weigh up the effect on the ambience compared to the increasing likelihood of getting skin cancer and tropical storms in Market Harborough then it may well be a price worth paying.

Personally I find windfarms very pleasing, even hypnotic to look at - the long slowly rotating blades have caused me to nearly veer on to the hard shoulder a couple of times. I did look in to getting one at home (around £1000, plus there are local grants available) however so far I’ve not gone for it due to concerns over annoying my neighbours and the fact that the windows need replacing first.