It had been a good day by all accounts. And in that respect it was the same as most of his days in recent memory. The business was doing well, really well, beyond expectations and certainly a lot better than his plan intended. Customers were happy, and happy customers gave him even more business as he took away from them more and more of their worries. Consequently his bank balance was looking very healthy indeed, which meant he was able to treat his wife and children to some fabulous experiences. And everything was good.
Except for one thing. Something was wrong, and it had been wrong for a while, he just didn’t know what to do about it.
Somewhere inside him, he had this feeling that he was doing the wrong thing.
Not on a moral or ethical basis, as far as he could tell. Everything was above board, carbon-neutral and as far as he could reasonably analyse, any bad (because of course every action has side-effects that can be considered harmful from some perspective, he often thought) was far outweighed by the good he and his company did.
It was simply that he was increasingly under the impression that what he was doing with his working time wasn’t really what he should be doing with himself. And this feeling seemed to be growing proportionally with his success. Back when the company was struggling, spending more on marketing and selling than it was making in sales, this wasn’t a problem. But as the order book grew, as the organisation expanded from a couple of people renting desks in an office-for hire in some generic building, to three floors of a modern, glass fronted conversion overlooking the river, this feeling of misalignment grew and grew, until today, where he had just received an order that would double the size of the business within a year and keep his team in work for another five. This uncomfortable feeling originally tucked away at the bottom of his stomach had grown and mutated in to a nauseous feeling of claustrophobia, almost as if he was locked inside someone else, someone he didn’t want to be and didn’t know how to get out.
And he didn’t know who to talk to. To his friends and family, he was busy as always, and everyone knew he was at his happiest when he was busy. So that meant he was happy, right?
And yet somewhere along the line he had got swept away by the growth of the organisation, the money pouring in, the excitement of winning big contracts and making a difference, and now he just wanted to get out and not feel the way he felt, even if it meant losing all of the perks, the money, the holidays, and the respect of his people and his family.
But he had no idea what to do about it. So many people depended upon him.
