So I don’t remember there ever being fog like the fog we have in the UK at the moment. Fog usually lasts a day, maybe two, but not a whole week, which is making me suspicious.
Extreme phenomena (cue muppet theme) like this only happens in the movies, but as we say in our house, truth is stranger than fiction which logically leads me to believe with conviction that we can expect an alien invasion or extreme natural disaster in the next few days. Typical really because it had to wait until I’d spent some considerable time shopping for presents and also renewed my gym membership, paying for the year in advance, yet in the current inclement weather it is actually hazardous for my health to drive there.
Should there indeed be an alien invasion, at least little Leicester will be one of the last places they get to. After all it poses little or no threat to the alien hordes, having only the National Space Centre that is of interest outside of the shire. Who knows, perhaps we will survive? They will probably have to finish off Nottingham before they come for us, and as the most armed city in Britain (rumours have it that there are more automatic weapons and short range artillery in circulation in the city of Nottingham than in the entire British Armed forces), it will probably put up a fairly good fight. So the aliens will certainly be weakened before they arrive at our gates to a defensive wall of curry houses and shopping centres.
Navigating the city of Leicester in their bizarre three legged contraptions will indeed be difficult given the uneven road surfaces and extremely bad traffic congestion. Their best bet would be to arrive at around 4am sunday morning when all of the taxis and ambulances are congregated around the clocktower.
Of course once Leicester has fallen to the bug-eyed freaks, our little village of Countesthorpe will follow shortly. Even its brief fame as the place at which grubby indie band Kasabian formed whilst at school won’t be enough to defend us from disintegration rays and the huge earth burrowing machines that churn the ground over in preparation for new inhabitants.
And that will be that. Probably before Christmas Day, so I had better go and get myself prepared. Whatever that means. So this will be my last post. If through some technical hitch on the aliens’ part the invasion is postponed, I would like to wish you a very merry Christmas and I’ll speak to you in a few days…
